


Growing Pains

by sameoldstory



Category: A Voice From Darkness (Podcast)
Genre: A character study of sorts, Gen, Mild Horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25345369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sameoldstory/pseuds/sameoldstory
Summary: A collection of moments throughout Dr. Malcolm Ryders life.Here's a scene from his childhood, there a moment from his time on campus.
Kudos: 1





	1. A Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I know this interpretation of Malcolm is a bit different from my other interpretations. But he's fun that way. We don't know enough about him to pin him down to one thing. So I can p much get away with all of my characterizations...At this moment. (I know I'll regret saying that because Jac Rhys always proves me wrong in the very next episode. But I am a clown so I will make statements online and then I'll have to take them back a week later.)

Malcolm Ryder was born with teeth and a head full of hair. The nurse shook her head at the sight of his dark curls and bared full set of white baby teeth. She couldn’t help but smile uneasily when she weighed and measured him. She’d been a nurse for 25 years and she’d never felt so strangely… seen by a baby. Little Malcolm never screamed once when she held him, he just stared at her in a way that made her wish to be somewhere else. Somewhere very far away.

When his grandfather got to hold him for the first time, he just nodded to himself and whispered “You will be a great man one day.” into the baby's ear. That’s when Malcolm cried for the first time. He didn’t cry like a normal baby, he cried in small, choked sobs and squeaky screams that sounded like a closing door on rusty hinges.

His sister Amelia Ryder was born thirty minutes after Malcolm. She had neither hair nor teeth, but there was a birthmark that looked like a star on her forehead and her stare was just as unsettling as Malcolms own.

Their grandfather held her for a long time, before he spoke to her: “You’ll be a smart and wise woman in the future.” When he was finished speaking, she looked at him and he could have sworn she smiled for just a second.

The babies never cried much- they just watched everyone and everything very carefully and very closely.

Malcolm in particular liked to observe the corner of his room that was… slightly darker than the others. The light from the window just didn’t quite reach there and when his parents tucked him in at night, they kept seeing… something there. Out of the corner of their eyes. But they’d warded his room very efficiently, so they were positive it was just a trick of the light. It wasn’t. But that’s beside the point.

Malcolms first word was “Hello”, though only Amelia heard him say it. His parents would always claim he’d said “Mum” or “Dad” first and they could never reach an agreement on which one of those words it had been. It really just seemed to depend on the circumstances.

“He said your name first. He likes you best. So you have to go clean him up.” his mom claimed one time. Just to turn around and state “I get to put him to bed. He said my name first, he definitely likes me best.” a few hours later.

“He clearly comes after his father, he said ‘dad’ first”, his father bragged among his friends. And then, soon after, back at home: “Elana. We both know he’s a mommy’s boy. You should have watched him when he ate that.”

Meanwhile, Amelias first word was “Grandpa” and she said it so loudly and openly during a family gathering that it was unfortunately quite impossible for her parents to deny whom she seemed to like best.

Malcolm and Amelia had a shared imaginary friend during their childhood. Their name was “Cloudwatcher” and in their adult years they’d remember their friend as someone who’d constantly change shapes and voices. Someone who liked draping themself in shadows and darkness. Someone who probably had just been a product of their overactive imaginations… probably.

When Amelia was six years old, she stopped playing with Malcolm and Cloudwatcher. She’d found a new friend in the woods close to their Grandfathers home but she’d never take Malcolm to meet them. At some point he stopped asking. He still had Cloudwatcher.

On one of their birthdays during their time in elementary school, they overheard something their mum told to one of her friends:

“...I don’t know how. The doctors told me I would have one child. A boy. I still have pictures of the ultrasound. There is only one baby in the pictures. But then I had twins. Honestly, the doctors were just as clueless as me.”

They were good at school and they were good at making friends, though not quite as good at keeping them close. Not that they minded much. They each had their own interests and at the end of the day, they always had each other.

At nine years of age, their grandfather showed Malcolm undeniable proof of the paranormal. It would leave him with fear of shadows and a hunger for more. His sister, of course knew the supernatural already. She’d never had enough of the stories and myths their parents would tell. Instead, she’d sought out creatures and befriended them.

To be fair, she’d had to run from more creatures than she had been able to befriend. But still, she’d walked to parallel worlds and through shadows and at the age of nine, she felt very mature and powerful because of this.  
And there was something else, as well. Deep down she was worried that she’d been a changeling all along. And that one day her parents would not want her anymore and she’d have to live in the Worlds shadow.  
She was a child and neither braver nor more curious than her brother- just scared in a different way.


	2. An Ending (of sorts)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm learns how to be friends. And how to lose people. You know. Canon approved (well I'm kind of filling some blanks. But that's my job as a writer). I need more information about them!!!

At university, Malcolm would sit with his friends at the Queen of Cups, laughing and drinking until the world’s edges softened. They never had ever enough to lose control. But definitely enough to make them laugh, make them recite passages from books loudly (nerds) and lean into each other closer than other people . None of them were a thing, not really. But all of them enjoyed being close to each other. 

Enjoying and actively seeking physical closeness was one of the things Malcolm only really learned at university. His parents, although loving, had always kept their distance. And Amelia didn’t count. She was too much like him to really feel different from him.

It had been a strange thing, getting used to touch the way other people were used to it from the start. 

Charlotte had been the first of the bunch to touch him. They’d met… or rather collided at orientation. Like two characters from a rom com as she’d later pointed out to him. She’d asked him for coffee the next day, to make up for “the embarrassing scene” and it was quite nice, actually. It wasn’t really a date but at the end of it they still knew they’d be better off as friends than as significant others.

Alec was the next. In university, he was a touchy person who would always fidget with something, bounce his leg or put his hand on someones back. The second time they met, he hugged Malcolm, unannounced. Malcolm froze in confusion, relaxed and then froze again when he realized that he had no idea where to correctly position his arms during a hug. He’d learn later on that it didn’t matter much with Alec.

Sonja kissed his cheek on her birthday during their second semester. It wasn’t technically the first time she’d touched him but it was the first time he remembered and the first time that mattered to him. He liked how genuine it was, a reaction to a book he’d given her as a gift.

Julian was the last of the group to get close to him, physically. One day, the Ryder siblings, the Holloway siblings, Alec and one of Amelias friends whom Malcolm didn’t know well went for a small road trip. It was summer and the semester was over and they’d heard of a few supposedly haunted houses across the state. Of course they couldn’t not explore them. It had gotten quite late however and some of them were worse at staying awake than him. 

That’s how Julians head ended up on Malcolms shoulder, safely nestled into the hollow of his neck. At that point none of them knew what and who they’d become. And still, what a bittersweet moment of friendship, trust and intimacy. It was a scene he’d always carry inside like a seed, safely tucked into the part of himself that still considered Julian his friend. That seemingly eternal night drive, the weight of his head on his shoulder and the soft feeling in his chest as he chose to stay in exactly the same position to keep Julian comfortable. 

There was also Miranda and a few others, but Miranda usually stayed with Amelia. And the others never got as close to Malcolm.

Later, he would lose them, one by one. All but Amelia and Sonja. He’d tell himself it wasn’t a big deal and bury his feelings in work. He’d avoid getting too close to people again, just in case they ended up leaving him. But on some days he could still feel … everything.

He didn’t hear about the conspiracy theories until his sister called and told him not to read what the forums said. So instead of listening to her, he googled his name and read everything. At first he was angry and wanted to defend himself. He wrote, deleted and rewrote texts that would show those people… but at some point the anger washed away. “Those people” were genuinely afraid of him, they talked about hiding and protection charms. They didn’t know what his intentions were. And it was really hard to be angry at people who were afraid. Instead, he started to feel numb.  
Once upon a time his friends and family would have been his shield and everything would have bounced off of them. But now that shield was wearing dangerously thin. Maybe it would have been easier to stick to imaginary friends. But then he would never have noticed how nice it was to be around people.

Years later, Malcolm was seated comfortably in the studio. Something about the day felt special, though it was neither his first day nor his last day on the show.  
And still…

“If you’re having any problems that are paranormal, supernatural, unexplainable in any way please call in. I’m here… to help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooof the ending is a bit rushed but I was trying to put this out as soon as possible. To the one person who consistently reads my works: ♥


End file.
